One of the worse episodes in the RTD second coming era see’s the Rani, east Asian version, galloping around in Bavaria in 1865 on a horse. Seems the “Time Lady” is after the 7th son of a 7th son of a 7th son, and will naturally be an arsehole while achieving her dubious mission. Seems the baby, who is the 7th yadda yadda, is the God of wishing or something, don’t think about it, this shite is migraine inducing. Meanwhile back in London 2025 the Doctor and Belinda are married, and have a kid, the same one Belinda saw in an earlier episode. Seems the baby, who is the 7th yadda yadda, has wished this world into existence as the Rani, east Asian edition, wants to change reality or something. The local authorities are heavy handed on anyone who has doubts about the current reality which leads to the Doctor and Belinda being arrested and taken to the Rani, both versions, den in the sky. We learn Conrad, remember him he was Ruby’s root in an earlier episode, is manipulating the baby, 7th son yadda yadda, to create wish world. Oh and Ruby herself is rushing about with the chick in a wheelchair and achieving nothing. Why is the doctor in the lair of Rani evil, if a time lord has doubts it will fracture the universe or some such shite, Russell has gone completely insane at this stage. Madder than a cut snake comes to mind. Anyways the Doctor wakes up, and …. another episode is coming.

Another episode that seemed like it was really bad pantomime, I was going to go with groan inducing but by now that can be taken for granted. We get a convoluted plot, with more holes than the Aussie Rugby team’s defensive patterns, Gatwa being a complete twat, and Belinda being barely up to the level of cringe worthy. Over the course of two series, Rusty hasn’t learnt a damned thing, he still believes a mythical modern audience will tune in, values political messaging over story, and simply doesn’t get how prejudice he really is, there’s something toxic going down here and it isn’t the rapidly dimensioning audience. I was actually embarrassed with this episode, and to drop a Dad joke, thought Russell had well and truly boned himself with this congealing mess of nonsense.  

Almost forgot to give the overnight audience figure, 1.83 million, so down on last week’s episode, and showing a franchise that is brown, floating in a toilet bowl, and ready to be flushed. I am wondering how many of the remaining audience are tuning in to see just how freaking bad this franchise can get, well each week surprises me as the descent into total collapse continues. Actually Davis might be wanking on about having another series outlined, the Dude is serious mental if he thinks anyone is going to put money into this mess, I’m just pleased there is only one episode left to get through and then we can burn it all down. Out of interest anyone even remember what any of the preceding episodes where about, hell I don’t know I’ve forgotten about them already. 

So we get a wish world, which is apparently the wet dream of white middle class dudes everywhere, or at least Conrad, who has to be the worse antagonist yet conceived, not only by this show, but by anything purporting to be about entertainment. In this world chicks are bare foot, pregnant, and restricted to the kitchen. How kitsch and out of date is this idea from Russell. The times are a changing according to Bob Dylan, Davis is clearly a product of a by gone era. What else, oh year no gay people, because Davis still has that gripe to rant about, while viewers politely cover their mouths while they yawn. Did I miss anything, yeap the physical disabled are reduced to begging in the streets of an uncaring society, Russell – an able body queen, is of course still championing the plight of the wheel chaired bound as he knows what’s best for them. Rusty like most white middle class dudes thinks he has the answers and isn't afraid from mansplaining them. My thoughts of a perfect world would involve Trump having shat himself into another dimension, this show having been cancelled after the Capaldi area, and my team actually winning some silverware. Hate to break it to you, we just aren’t that worried by the social issues you are still belabouring, decades after they have ceased to be battle grounds. 

Naturally not everyone is accepting wish world, really Gatwa as a straight male, some bridges are just way too far, and Ruby Sunday is doing her best to convince the Pretend Doctor that he is something like Doctor Who. The remaining audience aren’t convinced but guess we’re not talking sharpest tools in the shed when it comes to the Pretend Doctor and Belinda the Bitch. Naturally Ruby doesn’t succeed, but Belinda being Belinda she reports her husband to the thought police. And in one of those developments that Davis seems to think is clever, and the rest of us are immediately face palming over, the Rani – both versions – bring the Doctor back to full mincing crying mode as his doubts are what they are after, seriously what the actual flock! So we have the Pretend Doctor back up to speed and then the episode simply disappears up its own fallacies.

Naturally in Russell’s mind the state of movie/episode making hasn’t moved along since about the 1960s. The Rani – Asian version, like any old timey Bond villain takes time out of her busy evil schedule to explain her plan to the doctor, are we getting sharks with lasers next or do the Bone Monsters, no not the Pretend Doctor – get your mind out of the gutter people, fit that role. I was actually face palming and wondering if I shouldn’t get someone to help out with that, rather than allowing the plan to unfold organically Rusty has to spell it out in one of the worse examples of poor writing I’ve ever seen in this franchise. And hey I sat through all the Capaldi and Jodie episodes. Don’t get me to try and explain why the plan is being explained to the Doctor, who is in the one place where he can stop it.

Ruby Sunday returns to the franchise, and to be honest no one was asking for the return. On the bright side she does move the narrative along, which one character needed to do, besides the Rani explaining the plan, did she also include a slide show and lecture notes? She points out to the Doctor that he is living in a delusion, and the baby – Poopy or Poppy wasn’t playing attention isn’t real. The baby was seen previously in another episode by Belinda, but hey let’s rock on here. Ruby meets the downtrodden, basically anyone with a physical issue – blind, wheel chair bound, that’s about as far as Rusty can think. On the bright side it leads to one of the most hilarious scenes I’ve ever seen on television in quite some time. Ruby and a couple of wheelchair bound chicks, hey diversity right naturally they are both chicks, have to sneak across a plaza under the gaze of various guards. Naturally they achieve this, the guards having been hired from the same Consultancy that supplies Storm troopers to various Empire leaders. Actually the Kid that the Pretend Doctor and Belinda the Bitch have had is a fallacy, that apparently gets important in the next episode, thanks Dan for the heads up.

But the biggest problem I had with the episode, even with Gatwa as the Pretend Doctor, was the whole underverse thing. And Jesus Christ the Rani want to bring Omega back, what nightmare poo smearing is going to go down there next episode! Anyone else been watching Stranger Things and the whole “The Upside Down”? To say the most diplomatic thing Russell is winking at the fair superior U.S show, but to be honest yet another idea he has purloined from superior writers, and shat out in his own less than successful script.

Well we survived the penultimate episode without gouging our eyes out, but it was a near thing. Someone want to explain the bone monsters? The episode could have been cut down to ten minutes, plenty of filler that goes nowhere, which might have had me on board, but hey Russell needs to prove how wrong he is as the writer on this series. On the bright side looks like the Pretend Doctor is toast, and the whole world outside Soy boys and the odd activist rejoiced. We know some fictional device will save the Doctor, no matter how implausible, so I have zero worries about the next episode, it’s going to be shite as well. No recommendation, this franchise is dead in the water and like a zombie is just shambling along, while eating the mythos. Only one episode to go, thank god, and we watch while the BBC scramble for a partner they simply are not going to get.