Well here we are season two of Nucti Gatwa’s run as the Doctor, and can we expect an improved show after last season trolled new depths in viewer ratings and backlash, well judging from the first episode, nope things are about to get a whole bunch worse. Show runner Russell T. Davis seemingly doesn’t know that his modern audience doesn’t exist, but since this is the BBC and it’s a sheltered workshop, he is clearly going to continue his destruction of the franchise. I’m going to state here and now that if things don’t improve the show is toast, and unfortunately all the people who work on the show will be out of work while Davis and Gatwa swan off to their next respective disasters. So let’s break down the first episode of the final season, and introduce ourselves to the most obnoxious companion yet to cross the TARDIS door. 

It’s 17 years ago and Belinda Chandra is on a date with Alan Budd, it’s her birthday and Alan has brought her the naming rights for a Star. Which is pretty cool, naturally Belinda isn’t as impressed as she should be as she is a total bitch, identified within five minutes. Going to be a great season. Anyways flash forward and Belinda is now a nurse, and apparently the only person working at a hospital, at least in her own mind. She finishes her shift and heads off to her share accommodation. Meanwhile the Doctor flounces into the hospital searching for someone, tries to catch a look at a computer screen and promptly plunges the entire hospital into darkness. Yeap, the Doctor hasn’t improved any, still a mincing waste of space. Next morning a rocket lands in Belinda’s front garden, disgorges a few large robots, and they are here for Belinda, who they refer to as royalty. They soon have her in custody and it’s off to outer space. Naturally Mrs Flood lives next door, guess Belinda lives in the same street as Ruby Sunday’s government subsidised family. Anyways turns out the Doctor was after Belinda, no way right, and just missed her departure. Guess like Katie Perry Belinda is now an astronaut. Anyways the TARDIS is soon in pursuit of the alien space ship and they eventually arrive at a planet circling the Sun Belinda has the naming right for. Seems the Robots on this planet have taken over due to the arrival of Belinda’s old fling, and he has become the supreme AI, ruler of the planet, and he now wants his queen.

First up the episode is inane at best, but at least the Doctor takes an active role as he tries to rescue Belinda from becoming a cyborg Queen. And naturally he ends up getting a whole bunch of people killed, has a cry, and flounces around like it’s going out of business. Apparently wearing a dress is now the defining characteristic of Gatwa’s doctor, oh and crying of course. Naturally throughout this Belinda is whinging like it’s going out of fashion, playing the victim, and making everything about herself. And as things develop through the episode we discover Belinda might be the most important person in the Galaxy, Jesus fracking wept.

We do get Mrs Flood breaking the fourth wall of course, which indicates this character is far more important than last season’s final confrontation indicated. So at least a two series story arc then I guess. I still haven’t worked out who this character is meant to be, but have an idea she might just be another time lord, perhaps a future iteration of the Doctor based off her recognition of the Doctor’s TARDIS. Folks at least we are getting a consistent character as opposed to whatever the flock they are doing with the Doctor through the current personification. Fingers crossed Mrs Flood doesn’t represent a previous character from classic Who, as we know that Davis and crew will take a piss all over that character and change the mythos of course. 

So we get an episode with some action in it, and didn’t Davis claim we were headed to the land of fantasy rather than Science Fiction, which I guess just underlines how inconsistent Davis is while he farts around destroying the franchise. When even the Doctor takes valuable time off mincing around then there are positive signs for the new series. Unfortunately, that light at the end of the tunnel is extinguished by the end of this episode, hey it didn’t take long, and the problems start rolling like they are going out of fashion as the writers of the show demonstrate that they have no idea what they are doing. Man I am always up to be in the hands of a crew of writers that would be hard pressed to get anything like a job in the industry outside the BBC’s closeted environment. Hold onto your linen let’s have a tour of the highlights of sheer shite being spread in this episode.

Naturally the message is strong in this one, did I mention Belinda is a completely self-absorbed bitch monster? The big bad of the episode is of course a white guy, who else could possibly be the antagonist right, and that white guy is naturally a control freak who is apparently an Incel according to Belinda the bitch. In fact, she thinks the whole planet is chocker with Incels, based on zero evidence of course, but then naturally she knows everything and judges everything, what a wonderful companion. Man this promises to be a long season already, actually thank god there are only eight episodes.

Ready for one of the dumbest moves ever recorded in modern television, well hold onto your bum this one is a dozzie. The Doctor has a copy of the certificate that named the star after Belinda, and so does the AI retarded, apparently both cannot exist in the same space without dire results. Naturally the Doctor simply drops his copy, and a cleaning bot picks it up and as luck would have it carries it to Belinda who is close to the AI cyborg thing. What were the odds of that happening! Naturally the two certificates touch and we get a time distorting thing happening, don’t ask me it’s in the plot, deux ex machine doesn’t even begin to cover it. Hey AI reduced to a human foetus and nothing else happens except the Doctor is holding a baby in one quick blink and you will miss it moment. This results in universal love and robots getting on with humanoids on the planet suffering under Belinda the bitch. Wow lucky that worked out just right!

And another example of stupid writing is when “sperm in an egg” is polished up by the little cleaning machine, the Doctor is excited because this is what the Doctor is all about now, being a vindictive little bitch rather than honouring all life. So now the Doctor takes joy in the demise of others, Russell T Davis should give himself a good upper cut, he has forgotten completely what the Doctor is about, what a complete prat, the sooner Davis gets the arse the better.

And finally in terms of the series fifteen plot arc, the TARDIS is unable to travel back to May the 24th, when Belinda left the planet, maybe UNIT are protecting the planet from her? The Doctor can tell us that the TARDIS is bouncing off the Earth, but he decides to take the long journey and I guess approach the planet from another dimension or time I guess. When the TARDIS dematerialise the viewer can see Earth debris floating in space, clearly the planet has been destroyed, or committed suicide to avoid Belinda the bitch ever being endured again. Hey just saying, no idea what has happened here.

So another year another series and once again the franchise is in the hands of people who have no concept of the franchise’s history, mythos, and the Doctor as working for the good of the Universe. We have a Doctor who is so alien to the role that it’s almost a parody, perhaps the most obnoxious Campion ever introduced, and plotting that seems to have been drawn on butcher paper with crayons. The overnight viewing results of 2 million is the worse result ever for an episode of Doctor Who, and doesn’t bode well for the rest of the year. Considering the first episode of a new series should be one of the highest rating of the entire session we are sailing into a total disaster here. To be honest I can see Disney cancelling out on this franchise by season end, there’s my prediction at least.