Loser Kaleb is doing minor grifting, which basically involves reselling sneakers to the denizens of the building he lives in. Kaleb also collects insects, the more exotic the better, which he houses behind glass in his bedroom, yeah I know chick magnet right. Anyways while talking a shady character into selling him some better than custom jewellery for a present, Kaleb gets an exotic spider thrown in to the deal. Heck why not, what could possible go wrong. Unfortunately for our would be entomologist the spider in question is highly venomous, aggressive, and even worse an escape expert. Before you can say “pass me a slipper”, the arachnid breaks out of the box Kaleb put it in and disappears into the hidden places of Kaleb’s high rise. Unfortunately, the spider would also appear to be pregnant, and is laying hundreds of eggs in the building. Even worse Kaleb’s best mate discovers that the spider has a growth factor of ten through generation as a defence measure against predators. Pretty soon the building is overrun with deadly spiders, deaths are mounting, and the authorities have locked everyone inside with the eight legged freaks. Can Kaleb and crew survive both the deadly arachnoid rampage and the authorities attempt to lock things down or are we going to have more deaths mounting up.

It’s not every day we cover a French movie around these parts, but for sure Infested certainly had us excited to see if we couldn’t get a rocking good spider movie. Okay to get a few things out of the way, the movie is in French naturally, with English subtitles for those of us who are foreign language challenged. There is also some social commentary going down, regarding refugees and stereotypes, but hey let’s leave that for the self-important twats out there, most of which have no experience of the French situation or exactly what the issues being shown involve. But hey when do they allow reality to stop a good statement of their social cred for the non-existent audience who would apparently be interested. So yeah, we’re in it for the spiders and to see if director Vanicek can nail the requirements.

Director Sébastien Vanicek kicks things off in style with his opening gambit that has the arachnophobics amongst us squirming. A team of Arab looking blokes are out in the desert clearly hunting something. They stop in a rock covered landscape and one dude starts to prove moss does indeed not grow on rolling stones, or something, hey out of ideas here. Anyways he lifts a promising look rock and discovers a hole which is apparently what our intrepid hunters are after. Another dude finds a similar hole and pushes a hose into it. We are soon see some sort of chemical being pumped into the hole, and the original dude keeps checking out his hole. Bad mistake, something comes out of the hole and latches onto our dude, who is soon rolling around in agony, no doubt due to getting a decent dose of venom. The others in the group start capturing spiders who have escaped the chemical apocalypse of their home, join the dots folks. Scene finishes with a hunter taking a machete to his riving partner and thankfully we don’t spend a lot of time with the aftermath there. Effective, spiders are deadly, let’s get the besties into suburban Paris!

Infested, original title Vermines - think of the social commentary there Bro, works for the first two acts as the French director nails the requirements. However, the third act sort of blows things as we move from real spiders to the CGI variety of unreal size. I was certainly digging the aesthetics on display, the background to the various major characters, and the environment the movie takes place in, but when it got to the Crew trying to work in survival horror mode things fell off. At least the pacing is exactly right, with things going from a slow first act, through a faster second act as the trouble Kaleb and friends are in begins to show its web presence, to finally a balls to the wall third act that doesn’t take a single breath as things are really ramped up.

When the movie is at its best you are going to be entertained, director Vanicek knows what he is doing when he keeps things on the straight and narrow. Plenty of scenes where we are wondering where the next arachnoid might spring up, dim lighting to enhance things, and plenty places people should definitely not be poking their limbs or heads into. The movie never gets brutal, but if you hate spiders in general, you are probably in for a bad time here. The eight legged freaks during this stage of the movie are the real deal, by and large, which really adds to our lingering sense of dread about where they might pop up, or out of.

Perhaps the best asset Vanicek has however is his location, which really brings the claustrophobia and dark descent to the forefront. The apartment block isn’t exactly in the best of condition, with plenty of spaces for critters to lurk waiting for the unwary. There were a couple of scenes that even had me cringing at what the Director dropped on me. In a shower scene from hell, everyone is freaking out about a single larger spider that keeps scampering away into hiding causing mass panic amongst our crew. Eventually the errant arachnid is squashed against the shower glass, phew, which leads to dozens of spiders charging out of the drain! Not sure how the two events coincide but for sure it had cold fingers running down my spine at the mere thought. In another scene our characters have to navigate a narrow hallway which is covered in cobwebs and eight legged freaks. To add to the tension, hey things aren’t intense enough, the characters can get through if the lights are on but are in clear and present danger in the dark. Let’s just say not everyone is going to escape unmolested. 

There is some humour involved in the movie, which was a relief given the crawling menace our central crew are facing. Still getting some shivers from the huntsmen on display, frack they invade my house from time to time. Our lead character is more the comedian hero rather than being a traditional hero, sort of loser takes control and rises to the occasion, think Shaun from Shaun of the Dead. There’s I guess an apartment cleaner person who goes into battle with twin pesticide cans, she was a hoot for mine, and the panic everyone displays when an arachnid gets loose and they can’t find it. Not to forget the judicious use of fireworks, that kind of worsen the situation, I was smiling ear to ear over that scene. I’m not saying this is a horror comedy, far from it, but the mood is lightened here and there.

There’s a weird light mechanic in use in the movie. Shine a light on the situation and the eight legged freaks freeze like deer in headlights. Not sure if deer do that and for sure huntsmen don’t. but the idea is used to excellent effect, especially in the hallway scene – you’ll know it when you see it. Guess the whole horror adage, stay in the light, is in play here. Excellent work from director Vanicek.

I’m not going to mention separately any cast member, everyone was doing their job to make the movie believable and enjoyable. I could have done with a tad less screaming in a couple of scenes, but the gals sure do have the lungs for horror. I could readily believe everyone in the apartment block were immigrants and not exactly working in high finance, more shopping for used underwear, Kiwi reference Bro, learn to live with it.

To avoid out staying my welcome I’m going to sum up and get out of here. Excellent killer spider movie that will have you cringing at stages. As a horror movie it is well structured, brings the tactics to keep the viewer unnerved, and is paced excellently. If you don’t mind subtitles, then you are going to have a fun time with this one. Full recommendation, director Vanicek has his horror on and knows exactly what he is doing. Get the audience sympathising with his characters, provide some background to justify reactions, and have the chaos totally destroying the normality. Got to love a director who has his ducks in a row and goes with realistic looking actors. We are not talking teenage looking light weight chicks here, we’re talking about people who you can readily believe in as real people. Sorry pulling stumps here, I have to go check the house for unwanted visitors.