Trudy Twatwa, we came up with a new name for the pretend Doctor this year, is joined by future body positivity model Nicola Coughlan, translation – the fat chick from Derry Girls, which is actually good for a comedy, as they try to battle the greatest threat the Doctor has ever faced, viewer ratings. No doubt it will come as no surprise the ratings dropped again to a new low of 4.11 million viewers overnight for a Twatwa special. Post-Christmas lunch U.K viewers were leaving the tellie on other options as they snoozed off their turkey rampage, as Disney discovered things could get worse, and are not likely to get better judging from the tripe served up by this special for Xmas dessert. Okay let’s try to review this convoluted mess. Moffat are you getting worse as a writer or have you given up trying to do anything with a franchise in a death spiral.

The show opens with the Doctor zooming into various time zones seeing if someone wants a snack and a drink, this is probably explained but who cares. Anyways turns out the Doctor can access a multitude of time zones due to running around camping it up at a multi-level Hotel with doors to the past. Did it have doors to the future? Who cares, never explained or hinted at, might have been a chance to introduce a new villain or something, but hey the show isn’t clever anymore. Anyways in the present Joy Almondo takes a room at another Hotel that has seen better days due to Joy having trauma in her past, don’t care. She comes into possession of a suitcase that harbours a star seed, oh for frack’s sake – it gets worse, and shenanigans ensue as she is largely side lined for the rest of the episode before triumphantly returning in the last ten or so minutes, by which time the viewer is starting to nod off. This might be a terrible summation of the plot, but frack I took more time to not care about it than Moffat took to vomit up the actual script.

I watched this show with a couple of family members on the 27th, we no longer feel the need to immediately catch the show on the day episodes or specials drop, but for the record it dropped or was pooed out by Disney+ Boxing Day so we couldn’t warn Northern viewers that a stinker was waiting in their lounge room. We only watched it as a lot of folks in the house were in snooze mode, and it was either catch a viewing or you know talk or some shite. We did invent a game though, what might the show contained. We had a list, which I have helpfully reproduced here.

• There will be an attack on males, and chicks can do no wrong
• Trudy Twatwa would turn on the water works at least once
• At least one interracial relationship
• At least one same sex relationship
• The show will be complete crap

And you know what, we were spot on with each point on our list. Moffat, you are no longer clever or writing something surprising, the viewer knows exactly what they are going to be watching, and it’s going to be yet another politically driven narrative that no one really wants. Don’t get me started on the dubious use of a death, or the disintegration of various minor characters. Hey excellent viewing right? Jesus I hate to think what goes down in the show runners’ residences during a normal Christmas! The one thing we got wrong though was the manipulation of Christian mythology to fit the narrative, can’t wait for the backlash when the show runners do the same to Islam. Oh wait, the BBC are still throwing Christians to the lions, heaven forbid they would do the same to another religion. Seriously, frack off BBC, you are turning into a parody of your former self.

One thing I am starting to notice with the latest incarnation of Doctor Who, is casting grifters who simply play themselves over and over again rather than, you know, actually acting. Actually this is a current melody with the BBC’s overall output, and that’s putting it kindly. Anyways Trudy Twatwa is playing the exact same character he played in Sex Education, namely being Trudy Twatwa, who’s main characteristic is shock horror, being gay. Nicola Coughlan, once again plays the same character she played in Derry Girls, the short fat chick who sort of just happens while the viewer is checking out other characters, who you know, can act. So acting has dropped off the requirements clearly for Doctor Who, which might go some way to explaining the continued decline of the once great franchise.

Naturally Moffat presents an overly trite drama rather than decent television viewing. The Doctor needs another companion, and who is going to vote against that new companion being a female of colour who is gay and lame, which is a plot point so overly used by now that it needs re-treading and seriously should be dropped from future episodes. Yes, the Doctor is lonely, and yes the Doctor needs someone to stop his excesses, seen it before, would make a good meme for a tee. Unfortunately, Moffat spends the majority of this special presenting this idea in an overly wrought fashion, that had me wondering if I hadn’t slipped through a time crack into the land of Chick flicks. Moffat has completely lost any idea of who the audience is for this show, no Moffy it isn’t the non-existing “modern audience”, it is the viewership that has stuck with the show through thick and thin, who are now abandoning all hope of seeing something half decent. Hence the ratings dude, no one is interested in your bollock besides the apologists – an ever diminishing number as the show becomes increasing hard to defend, and the shill media that is by now a complete joke and only being read or watched for comedic value.

There was simply no aspect of Joy to the World that could be considered as good, no new characters to look forward to watching in the next series, and nothing of merit to be had. The special simply happens, Trudy Twatwa minces about occasionally crying because that’s what the Doctor does now, and various other characters make cameos as the drudgery seems to drag out longer than a draw test match at Launceston oval. The plot is a mess to be honest, with not a lot happening, but the occasional stocking filler that seems to be simply in the show to be in the trailer. For anyone wondering, no Joy isn’t the new companion, because weight challenged is apparently no longer a hill to die on for the grifters now making the show, and thank god for that. Clare Devlin in space and time would be the final nail in the coffin of the franchise I reckon.

Joy to the World continues the trend toward dribble passing as Doctor Who, and will no doubt lead to the further drop in audience share as even the most rusted on Whovian wakes up to the fact that the current show runners have no respect for the franchise or the traditional audience. The drama is over wrought, and over used, the plot is trite and has a rushed feeling to it. And the acting if anything, is getting steadily worse as each episode drops. To be honest time for Disney to pull the pin, this franchise is by now simply embarrassing, a parody of its former self. If it was a horse, they would have shot it by now and sent it to the knackers. Simply put, there is no joy to be had in this special.